mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
