One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Terrible idea I love it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
