I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
