I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just had sex bonerless
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
