He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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