So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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