I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
