Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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