I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
