Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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