He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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