so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
