you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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