Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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