There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
