why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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