He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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