Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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