Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
