He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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