Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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