I faked an abortion last night.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize