I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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