Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
