did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
