i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize