I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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