Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
