yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
