I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
