walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
