i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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