how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We need to rekindle our bromance
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
