he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
