he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
