woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
