can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
