Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
