so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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