8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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