that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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