She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
