is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
