thus making me awesome and them whores
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Sober January is a disaster.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
