life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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