how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
