im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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