I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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