I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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