Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
