I wish my penis had an off switch
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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