How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
