Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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