hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
