This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
