I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
