4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Green mimosas i think yes
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
