I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
FUCK WHALES
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize