You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
