Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
