party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
