oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize