remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
