They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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