Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
