do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
