you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
