her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
