i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
