And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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