____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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