Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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