So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
