First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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