she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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