I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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