My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
