You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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