dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
