maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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