I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
