The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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