Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
