I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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