"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
please come you make the beer taste better
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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