He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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