I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How does one acquire holy water?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
