spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
