my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
How's work?
Spinning.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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