so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
