Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He did a backflip because drugs
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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