hotel room ftw
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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