I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
