So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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