the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Damn victory sex feels great
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
