he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
