I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize