you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
