Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
