every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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