Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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