my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sext me about skeletons
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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