Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize